


The Monster I Fear

by That_Supernatural_Fan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mark of Cain, Sad Dean, Season 9, Tags Are Hard, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 22:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3427703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Supernatural_Fan/pseuds/That_Supernatural_Fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean bears the Mark of Cain he changes for the worst, straining your relationship. A shocking discovery changes it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Dean please just put the blade down.” You begged through your sobs. He slowly approached you after what felt like hours of running finding no way of escape. The mark embedded into his skin had changed him, far worse than you first thought. He became cruel and almost numb, like he wasn’t feeling anything. Like he had no soul. Dean took small steps towards you blade gripped tightly in his hand. Your back hit a wall, now you were stuck.  
“Dean look at me! Put the blade down! Please!” You whimpered putting your hands in front of you. You saw the corners of his mouth curl as he raised the blade painfully slowly.  
“Dean this isn’t you, it’s the mark. Don’t let it control you like this! You’re stronger than it, fight back!” You screamed hoping that he would stop, that he would drop the blade and just hold you. But it never happened. He grabbed your throat tightening the pressure he was inflicting making it hard to breathe.  
“Dean please.” You croaked with your last bit of air you were holding onto. You started to see black dots in your vision signalling your end. Then a sharp pain hit your gut making the all the remaining air leave your lungs. You knew that he had struck the blade into your stomach, you could feel all the sharp corners edged into it twisting horribly slow making the pain a whole lot worse. You felt your eyes start to drop knowing that you were finally dead.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A loud roar of thunder awoke your from nightmare making your eyes shoot open. You immediately grabbed your stomach, relaxing when you felt no blood on your night shirt and especially no stab wound. You were normally protected by Dean’s strong arms locked around your waist but he wasn’t there. You turned in the bed searching for Dean in the motel room. You saw him sitting in a chair staring outside watching the rain hit the glass viciously. The orange street lights shining in and illuminating his face. He looked elsewhere as he stared out onto the street; he seemed distracted or worried about something.  
“Dean you okay?” You called out rubbing your eyes.  
“Yeah just thinking about stuff that’s all.” He murmured his face expressionless. He looked down and ran his fingers over the mark that was cursed upon him, the Mark of Cain. You got a tight knot in your throat every time you saw it. It was doing bad things to Dean and you couldn’t do anything about it apart from help him through the sudden urges he gets to kill sometimes. The Dean you knew before the mark was fading away and the new aggressive Dean was taking over, but no matter what, he was Dean, your Dean, and always will be. Even though the Mark of Caine was affecting your sleep now, and for some time, you didn’t tell Dean. You didn’t want to worry him anymore; he had his own problems to deal with.  
“What stuff exactly?” You asked sitting up on your knees, the cold air hitting most of your skin as your attire only consisted of a grey tank top and matching colour pyjama bottoms that reached your knees.  
“Nothing it’s not important.” Dean looked up at you and lightning struck lighting the room in perfect timing. Dean’s face in that split second looked dark and almost demonic, it definitely frightened you. Dean looked away and be began to gaze outside again watching the droplets of rain smash against the glass. You looked at the Victorian looking clock beside you bed, you worked out it was 2:45 am.  
“Have you slept at all?” You questioned Dean looking back at him. It was like he never heard you. He was still staring at the window not even blinking.  
“Dean.” You said slightly loud trying to grasp his attention.  
“What?!” He shouted making your jump. You felt the fear take over your body, like it did in your nightmare. You saw immediate regret in Dean’s eyes as he realised his sudden outburst.  
“I’m sorry.” He sighed rubbing his eyes.  
“I’m sorry for being snappy.”  
“Well maybe if you got some sleep you wouldn’t be snappy.” You muttered crossing your arms. He didn’t respond which made you roll your eyes letting out a deep breath as you sat cross legged. You noticed Dean’s hand moving something on the table; you heard it scratch against the wooden surface sending an uneasy feeling up your back causing a shiver. You sat up slightly seeing what it was, the First Blade. You felt a tight know in your gut which could only be explained as fear.  
“Dean what are you doing with it?” You stuttered finding it hard to breathe easy.  
“With what?” He asked looking back at you.  
“The blade… What are you doing with it?” You stood up walking to the bottom of the bed, away from Dean.  
“Nothing, I’m not doing anything with it.” He exclaimed getting angry with your words. You saw him grip the blade and unneeded flashbacks of your dream hit you like a brick, the blade, Dean’s emotionless face, his grip around your throat, the pain in your gut. You found it hard to breathe as you could feel Dean’s hand around your throat.  
“Y/n what’s wrong?” He questioned getting up from his seat looking concerned, but all you could see was the blade in his hand.  
“Stay back! Just stay back Dean!” You shouted putting your hands in front of you like a protective barrier. You quickly grabbed your baggy jumper from the bottom of the bed putting it over your head. Your only escape was Sam’s room next door.  
“I’m going to go and sleep in Sam’s room, I just can’t be here.” You mumbled walking to the door unlocking it and opening the door turning the handle. The door was soon slammed shut by a hand above your head.  
“What the hell is wrong with you!?” Dean shouted grabbing your arm and turning you around viciously. He pushed you into the door hitting your head hard against the door making you wince.  
“Dean please.” You begged having déjà vu. Dean eyes narrowed for a moment but soon loosened along with the tight grip on your arm which was guaranteed to turn into a bruise.  
“I didn’t mean to do that I’m sorry.” He stammered rubbing your arm. You pushed him off and looked down not even wanting to look at him. A sudden knock on the door made you tense.  
“Dean, Y/n are you okay in there”? You heard Sam say sleepily. You pushed Dean away more for you to open the door. You opened it quickly but were pulled back by Dean falling on the bed.  
“Dean what the hell are you doing!!?” Sam scolded from the doorway his body nearly drenched from the shower of rain outside. You saw Dean’s lip curl and his hand shake, blade in hand.  
“Dean drop the blade!” Sam ordered standing in front of Dean.  
“Sam back off.” Dean growled.  
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sam spat grabbing the blade but was pushed into the wall by Dean.  
“Stop!” You screamed grabbing Dean’s shoulder shaking him violently. Dean’s elbow connected with your eye as he tried to shake you off. You shut your eye quickly wincing as the pain kicked in. You turned away finding the edge of the bed leaning on it.  
“Oh my God baby I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to I swear.” Dean stuttered walking towards you but was pulled back by Sam.  
“Dean just back off you’ve done enough.” Sam barked getting in his brothers face. You couldn’t take it anymore. You grabbed the Impala keys from Dean jacket which he left on the chair and run out the room finding the car quickly ignoring the cold water hitting your face harshly, especially your eye which was already in a lot of pain. You unlocked the car climbing in fast and locked it behind you only for banging on the driver’s seat door seconds later.  
“Baby please I’m sorry just open the door.” Dean begged hands on the glass. Lightning struck once more showing the blade that was still in his hand like it was stuck. You didn’t even realise you were crying until a whimper left your throat. The tears flooded your cheeks mixing in with the rain drops quickly falling into your lap.  
“Dean stop you’re scaring her!” You heard Sam shout through the glass. You saw Sam approach Dean pulling him front the window into the car next to the Impala.  
“How am I?” Dean argued.  
“Have you not noticed the blade you’re holding in your hand? I think that might be one of the things scaring her!”  
“One of the problems? What’s that supposed to mean?”  
“Dean you hit her!”  
“I didn’t mean to did I? You know that!” You couldn’t take the arguing anymore. You started the car up and got the car out of the parking lot fast hearing the tires screech against the concrete. You drove down the road looking out the rear view mirror seeing Dean and Sam chase after the car. You didn’t stop driving though, not for at least a mile. Your vision had become too blurred from the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. You parked the car on the side of the room pulling out the keys. You cried into the steering wheel, from the throbbing pain in your eye and from the fact that Dean hurt you. You felt yourself shaking and your breath was unsteady. You turned on the light above your head and looked into the rear view mirror again to check your eye. It looked swollen and a dark ring already was forming around it. You felt like you were going to be sick from the sight of it. You climbed out of the car and bent over hoping you weren’t going to throw up on the side of a road. You didn’t care about the rain that was soaking your clothes and hair even though you started to shake from the cold. You took deep long breaths to help calm yourself. You finally stopped yourself crying and your breathing was as normal as you could get it. You stood up looking around. The road was dead, no cars or street lights, woodland around the road that you couldn’t see a meter into. You had left your phone and wallet at the motel so there was no way you were going to find a motel to sleep the rest of the night in and you were not going back to Dean and Sam who were most likely still fighting. Your only choice was the Impala. You opened the door to the back seat and climbed in. You reached under the passenger seat and found the handgun you kept there just in case. You would sleep better with it beside you. You locked the Impala and laid down keeping the car light on. You couldn’t sleep in the dark, not now. You wrapped your arms around yourself and brought your knees to your chest so you were in a ball position. You felt like you needed to cry again but held it back, you were too tired and you had a blasting headache from hitting the door and the sucker punch to your eye. You were scared to be alone in the middle of nowhere, on an empty road surrounded by trees and whatever lurks in them. But what scared you the most was the monster you had to face tomorrow because, well, he owned the car you were sleeping in.


	2. Chapter 2

The corridor was narrow, cold and most of all dark. You couldn’t even see your frosted breath leave your mouth in front of you. You were lost for sure and had no idea where you were. You knew you were dreaming, but your dreams always felt so real. It terrified you to say the least. You found a door finally, reaching for the door knob and turning it slowly. The door creaked too loudly for your own liking. The room looked dull, green peeling wall paper, old fashioned flower covered bed sheets displayed neatly on a bed and a desk with the only small lamp illuminating the room. But a man sat in the chair facing away from you tapping on the wooden desk in a rhythm of a heartbeat that mimicked yours. You walked into the room carefully hearing your feet move across the wooden floor boards. A loud slam echoed behind you making you turn quickly. The door to the room had shut. You ran back over trying to open the door but to your dismay, it was locked leaving you in the room with whoever was at the desk.  
“It’s just you and me now sweetheart.” You knew that voice anywhere, Dean. You turned slowly around seeing him still sitting in the chair. Your hand was still gripped to the door handle tightly praying it would open so you could run far and fast, just to get away from your monster of a boyfriend.  
“Wake up wake up.” You begged quietly to yourself banging your head on the door.  
“Not just yet Y/n we’ve got a lot to talk about.” Dean said chirpily standing up and leaning on the desk facing you. He looked like the Dean you knew, the hair, the smile, his stance, but his eyes, the seemed darker and crueller. It sent a shiver down your spine.  
“Oh so we’re gonna talk this time? I mean all the other times I’ve dreamt about you you’ve tried to kill me and succeeded pretty much every time.” You snapped back folding our arms. He chuckled to himself.  
“Well you ran away from me Y/n, which kinda hurt my feelings.” He told standing up straight taking a couple of steps towards you.  
“What was I supposed to do? Stay? You hurt me Dean.” You replied feeling the tears start to fill your eyes.  
“I didn’t mean to now did I?” You shook your head in disgust.  
“You know what; you’re not the real Dean. You’re just in my head, I’m just dreaming.” You murmured rubbing your eyes clearing them of the tears threatening to fall.  
“But I’m the way you see Dean, it’s the way you imagine him being. Everything I do is because of you.” Dean spoke talking a few more steps towards you.  
“Just stop right there!” You spat clenching your hands into fists. He put his hands up in defence backing away slowly.  
“There’s no need to be afraid of me baby, I love you.” He smiled winking at you.  
“Just shut up.” You groaned rolling your eyes.  
“What I love you; you’re the only thing I think about, the only thing getting me through the day.” He spoke honestly. For a moment you could believe him, but you remembered where you were.  
“You can just shut your cake hole. You’re not the real Dean so don’t try and play your stupid tricks on me!” You raised your voice with every word.  
“You know, deep down he knows you are just a dead weight. You pull him down, make him weak and he knows it. Sooner or later he’s just gonna leave you all alone. Or just kill you, I mean, that’s all you’re dreaming about lately isn’t it?” He announced almost too casually.  
“Shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you.” You threatened feeling your breath became uneasy from anger. All he did was let out a breathy laugh.  
“I think him killing you is more of a likely chance. That mark, it’s changing him into… Something else. Something that will eventually get you killed. You know he’s gonna do it, you know it’s going to be by his hand!” He exclaimed making you flinch backwards.  
“I am not listening to a word you say.” You muttered feeling your breath get caught in your throat.  
“Then how come you’re crying?” He asked smirking darkly at you. You wiped your cheeks quickly realising you let some tears slip. He started to take some steps towards you but you couldn’t speak, couldn’t tell him to back off. You backed into the door with him inches away from your face. You whimpered in complete terror closing your eyes.  
“He’s gonna kill you Y/n. You just wait.” Dean smirked speaking closely to your face that you could feel his breath hit your tear stained cheek. You felt a hand grasp your throat tightly but not tight enough to stop your breathing. You opened your eyes to face not Dean’s green eyes but pitch black orbs staring down at you.  
“Please.” You sobbed trying to turn away but the grip tightened making you turn back to him.  
“Leave her alone.” You heard a gravelly voice say from behind Dean. Dean turned giving you full vision of your trench coat wearing guardian angel.  
“Oh look who it is. How’s that big ongoing battle with Metatron going?” Dean questioned bringing his attention towards Cas. That was your chance. You quickly slipped away from Dean and ran to Cas grabbing his arm for comfort.  
“Cas make me wake up please.” You begged looking away from Dean. Cas touched your forehead and everything went black.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You suddenly awoke from your dream grabbing your gun in instinct and aiming it up towards the window in front of you. No one was around, not even Cas. You unlocked the car door breathing deeply. The sun beamed into your eyes, your vision blurry from the sudden amount of light. It must have been early morning, the sun was low but shining a warm heat onto your bear arms.  
“Cas.” You called once leaning on the Impala.  
“Y/n you are safe now.” Cas spoke beside you. You let out a deep breath of relief.  
“Dean prayed for me and told me to find you. He told me what happened. You need to understand his intentions were not to hurt you-”  
“I know Cas I don’t need a lecture from you right now!” You snapped.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean that.” You quickly told touching your eye.  
“Would you like me to heal your eye?” Cas asked stepping closer to you. You nodded closing your eye as Cas placed his fingers on your black eye. When his fingers left your eye the pain was gone and you felt normal again.  
“Thanks Cas.” You began smiling.  
“But haven’t you got more pressing matters at the moment?” You questioned wrapping your arms around yourself.  
“I needed to know you were safe.” Cas stated observing you.  
“Um ok Cas…” You replied slowly watching Cas.  
“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked pushing your body off the Impala.  
“How have you been feeling lately?”  
“Fine I suppose, well, the nightmares are getting a bit annoying and messing up my sleep pattern but apart from that everything is okay… Why? Should I be worrying about something?” You started to feel anxious by the way Cas was looking at you.  
“We should get you to Dean and Sam.” Cas told completely ignoring your question. He went to touch your forehead but you swiped him away.  
“I can’t just leave the car here, Dean will kill me, I’ll just drive back I’m fine. You should just go; you have more pressing matters at the moment!” You argued climbing in the driver’s seat. Out of the corner of your eye you saw a figure in the passenger seat making you flinch. You turned to see Cas staring at you.  
“Cas don’t do that!” You snapped starting up the car. He didn’t respond but was watching you worriedly. You didn’t ask why, you were too tired too. You drove in silence not bothering to look at the annoying angel beside you.  
“Look Cas are you going to tell me what’s wrong or are you just going to stare at me?” You asked looking at him. He kept his eyes focused on the road.  
“Fine.” You breathed frustrated looking back at the road gripping the steering wheel in frustration. Sudden nausea took over you. You felt that horrible feeling climbing in your throat forcing you to pull over. You quickly got out of the car just in time for the bile to spew from your mouth onto the side of the road. You bent over clenching your eyes shut as you threw up what felt like your insides. After the feeling started to pass you coughed and spat out the remaining saliva in your mouth trying to escape the taste. You tried to recover steady breaths by breathing through your nose and out your mouth, it always worked you thought. You turned your head slightly seeing Cas standing over you.  
“I think I need to eat something or lie down. I’m just stressed.” You said to yourself standing up straight slowly trying to recover your posture. You looked at Cas to see him watching you with a worried look.  
“Right what is it Cas? What aren’t you telling me?” You asked demanding the truth. Cas stuttered his words looking down at the ground.  
“Cas!” You shouted bringing his attention back to you.  
“You’re with child Y/n.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

You’re with child Y/n.” Cas’ words echoed through your mind trying to process what he actually just said. You were pregnant, with Dean’s child. You felt your legs start to give way from shock but Cas caught you in his arms pulling you back up. You couldn’t even speak a word no longer a sentence. You gripped onto Cas’ trench coat for dear life not wanting to fall. Cas leant you against the car lifting your face with his hand under your chin, his blue eyes looking down at you with worry. Cas placed his hand on your chest feeling the unsteady breaths that were escaping from your throat.  
“Y/n you need to calm down-”  
“How can I calm down Cas!? I just found out I’m pregnant!” You screamed into his face pushing him away. You covered your face with your hands sobbing uncontrollably. You were not ready for a baby certainly with the life you led. Hunting was not the life you wanted when having a kid, you didn’t even have kids in the picture as this point in your life.   
“What am I even going to tell Dean?! He’s going to kill me!” You blubbered throwing your hands down to your sides. Cas looked taken back by how angry you had gotten. You were not the sort of person who would have an outburst; you remained quite grounded for most of the time.  
“What am I going to do Cas? Tell me please what should I do?” You cried wiping your tears away. Cas hesitated to speak at first wanting to find the right words.  
“Do what you think feels right Y/n.”  
“Wow great advice Cas.” You snapped climbing into the driver’s seat of the car. The car’s engine was still on purring with life. You rested your head against the seat taking deep breaths thinking of what to do. You didn’t want to get rid of the baby, that wasn’t an option so you were having this baby no matter what. But the hunting life, that was the big crack down your perfect picture. It wasn’t meant to be there.  
“We should get back to the motel where Sam and Dean are waiting. They were most troubled when they asked me to find you.” Cas spoke beside your suddenly in the passenger seat.  
“Cas stop doing that.” You complained shutting the car door. You sat in silence, tracing your fingers along the steering wheel as you felt Cas’ gaze on you.  
“I can’t get rid of it Cas I just can’t. But I can’t carry on with the hunter life, especially now that Dean, Sam and I are so close to getting Metatron.” You let out a restless breath throwing your head back in the seat. You turned to Cas seeing him staring out the windshield eyes slightly squinted. You rolled your eyes knowing that any advice that would come out of the angel’s mouth would be useless.  
“Dean once told me that he sees himself settling down with you and giving you the life you deserve.” Your mouth fell agape and your breath got caught in your throat.  
“H-he did?”  
“Yes he loves you very much Y/n. He wished to settle down with you but… problems keep occurring stopping him from doing so.” You looked out the window beside you fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. The Dean Winchester wanted to leave the hunting life behind for you. Moments ago you thought that Dean would kill you for getting pregnant but now you knew he would be ecstatic. But now your life would be in more danger than ever, carrying a Winchester baby was riskier than anything.  
“C-Cas you can go. I’m going to drive back and talk to Dean.”  
“But-”  
“Don’t worry I’ll be fine. You have more pressing matters at the moment.” Cas nodded in agreement grabbing your hand suddenly.  
“If you ever need me do not hesitate to call me.”  
“What’s your number again?” You joked but Cas furrowed him brow.  
“I do not have a number. You just have to pray…”  
“I know Cas it was a joke.” You laughed but he still sat in silence. “Just go Cas I’ll be fine.”  
Then Cas disappeared leaving you alone in the comfort of the Impala trying to jumble some sort of plan of what you were going to do. Every time you reminded yourself that you were going to be a mother in less than nine months made a unusual feeling linger in your chest. Like it was some sort of pressure that would start to slowly build. You took a deep calming breath feeling relaxed by the soothing sound of the engine that sounded so familiar.  
You sat in the Impala thinking of all the things that you could say and do. But you knew there was only one way that you could make your child safe.

You gripped the starring wheel and started your drive back to the motel which was only a couple of minutes away. But it felt like hours, replaying in your head what you were going to do and all the different scenarios that could play out. But you knew deep down your choice was the best, you just had to keep reminding yourself. Just as you pulled into the motel parking lot the motel door to your room flung open revealing Sam and Dean. Sam pushed Dean back into the room shouting something you couldn’t work out from inside the car. You parked in front of the room and before you could even turn off the engine the car door was opened and you pulled into a hug.  
“Jesus Y/n are you ok!? You scared the crap out of us! We didn’t know where you were or if you were safe! Are you ok!? How’s your eye!? Does it hurt-”  
“Sam stop! I’m fine Cas found me just calm down please!” Sam let you go and gave you his famous puppy dog eyes.  
“Sorry I just- I was worried about you. After last night I thought you wouldn’t come back- well Dean thought that-”  
“Sam just stop for five seconds please!? Can you at least let me out of the car?” You asked grabbing the keys and slamming your hands on the steering wheel. Sam stood up and moved behind the door giving you enough room to get out of the confiding space of the Impala. You closed the door behind you and looked up at Sam.  
“Come here.” You pulled him into another hug, wrapping your arms around his back.  
“I’m sorry for driving off I just panicked but I’m I’m fine.” You reassured Sam rubbing his back. His grip was much softer on you then before. You felt a kiss on the top of your head and a gentle squeeze before he pulled away.  
“But Sam I need to tell you something important… And I need you to do something for me too…”

You stepped inside the motel room seeing Dean sitting on the edge of the bed, his feet tapping the carpeted floor frantically. You searched the room seeing the First Blade nowhere to be seen. Dean must have put it somewhere out of eyesight. Hopefully a hundred feet underground you thought. You walked into the room slowly placing the Impala keys on the table beside the door. His red puffy eyes met yours in a split second but he remained seated like he was asking for you permission to stand. You approached him and took his face in your hands. He leant into the touch and started to cry again bowing his head so you couldn’t see him properly. You knelt down still grasping his face. His eyes were closed but tears were still falling. You had never seen him look so defeated and helpless.  
“I’m so sorry Y/n.” He sobbed. Seeing him like that broke your heat.  
“Hey Dean look at me it’s ok.” You smiled rubbing your thumbs across the tear tracks trying to erase them.  
“But it’s not, I hurt you. I will never forgive myself.” You wrapped your arms around his neck burying your head in his chest. You felt his arms settle on your back as he tried to control his breathing.  
“I forgive you and I love you.” You spoke looking up at him. He pulled you into his chest encasing you in his arms.  
“I never meant to hurt you. It’s- it’s just the mark is making me into someone I don’t want to be and the stress of everything going on. It’s too much I can’t do this.” You leant out of his neck to be face to face with him.  
“Yes you can. And when you end Metatron and get rid of the Mark we can settle down and live that apple pie life we both want.” Dean stared at you in shock then confusion. Then it hit him.  
“Cas! I’m gonna kick his angel ass!” He snapped then laughed in embarrassment. His eyes met yours again as he leant in slowly. His lips barely grazed yours before you pulled him closer not wanting him to let you go. Your lips mothed in perfect sync like two puzzle pieces being connected. The need for breath final became too much causing you to lean away slightly lips just touching. Your eyes were closed as you enjoyed a sense of aura that Dean casted off him.  
But you couldn’t let yourself get use to it.  
You leant further away letting your eyes take in his features. He looked happy as his eyes stared back at yours.  
“Dean… There’s something I need to tell you…” He must have seen the worry in your face as he sat up straighter pulling you up to sit beside him on the bed.  
“What’s wrong?” He asked grasping your hands and resting them on his lap.  
“Dean I… I uh-” You were cut short by a figure at the door. It was Sam who scanned both of your faces and realising that you hadn’t told him.  
Not that you were pregnant but the fact you were leaving until Metatron was out of the picture, the Mark of Cain was gone and Dean and Sam finally stopped hunting. You were finding it a bit difficult to put it into words. If Sam had walked in you knew the taxi you told him to call was here.  
“It’s uh… It’s here Y/n” Sam stammered too scared to look his brother in the eye. You turned to look at Dean noticing the confusion in his eyes as he looked at both you and Sam.  
“What’s here? What’s going on Y/n?” He asked grabbing your hands tighter. You looked down at you entwined hands.  
“I’m um… I’m leaving for a little while. Well, until everything’s sorted out.” You whispered too scared to look at Dean. He let go off your hands slowly clenching his own into fists.  
“You’re leaving me?” He questioned slowly. You shook your head watching as his knuckles turned white. You saw Sam take a couple of steps into the room ready to get you out if Dean snaps again. You raised your hand stopping him in your tracks. You finally looked Dean just seeing the hurt in his eyes.  
“I’m not leaving you. I just need to escape this now. When you’re finished with what you have to do and you come and get me you’ll understand why I need to go.”  
“Please don’t go please. If it was because of last night I’m so sorry just don’t go I need you PLEASE!” Dean began to shout and cry again. You latched your hands onto his face pulling him closer to you.  
“Dean calm down it’s ok. It wasn’t because of last night I promise. When this is all done you’ll realise why and you’ll be so happy trust me.” You heard a car honk outside making you look at Sam. He nodded his head and looked at Dean.  
“She has to go Dean. It’s for the best.” Sam murmured crossing his arms nervously. Something suddenly snapped on Dean as he stood up quickly and approached Sam hands in fists.  
“IT’S FOR THE BEST?! HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S BEST FO HER!?” Dean screamed at his brother. You pulled him back but Dean just collapsed to his knees pulling you with him. You held him in your arms as he wept.  
“I love you.” You heard him whisper. You lifted his head staring at his watery eyes.  
“I love you too.” You kissed his lips quickly not wanting to change your mind and end up staying endangering the little life you were carrying. You hated yourself for it but your baby was your main priority. Even above you and Dean.  
“Dean I have to go I’m sorry.” You whimpered kissing him on the forehead and standing up. You grabbed your duffle bag and backpack at the bottom of the bed not daring to look at Dean who remained kneeling on the motels floor. You put your backpack loosely on one shoulder while you held your duffle bag in your right hand. You stood in front of Sam who seemed to be holding back tears.  
“Take care of him for me.” You pleaded. Sam nodded his head grabbing your shoulder gently reassuring you.  
“Take care of my niece or nephew ok?” He whispered as he hugged you. You nodded giving a fake smile. Sam grabbed your hand and placed a few $50 notes in your palm.  
“I have money Sam.”  
“Well now you have more.”  
He closed your palm hearing the notes scrunch in your hand. You finally looked back at Dean whose head was hung as he silently putting himself together. You looked at the table and saw the Impala keys shining slightly by the sun beaming in from the gap in the curtain. You grazed your hands across them before leaving the motel. You didn’t look back because looking back meant walking back. The taxi driver, who looked in his mid-forties with his descending hair line and noticeable beer belly, stepped out of the taxi and grabbed your duffle bag. Your hand gripped the backpack strap on your shoulder giving him a friendly shake of your head sending him the message that this bag was to remain with you. He placed your duffle bag in the trunk while you got in the backseat closest to the motel. You put the backpack in your lap, opening it and putting the money in the small pocket with the rest of the money you had which was only a couple of $10 notes and one £20 note You needed to get to Wichita Kansas. You luckily had a hunter cousin who lived there who you knew would take you in in a heartbeat. It wasn’t that far from the Bunker in Lebanon, just over a three hours’ drive if that. But you didn’t even tell Sam where you where because you knew he would have been guilt tripped by Dean.  
From the few amount of seconds for the driver to get from the trunk to the driver’s seat you thought. Was what you’re doing fair? Was it only making things worse for Dean? Was it going to affect the relationship between Sam and Dean even more? Was Sam going to tell Dean why you were leaving? Was he going to be mad? Upset? The slam of the driver’s seat door pulled you from your thoughts. You looked through the window and saw Sam and Dean standing in the doorframe. Sam’s arm was around Dean’s shoulders as they watched you in the taxi. You looked at Dean who surprisingly smiled at you even though tears were still tumbling down his already tear stained cheeks. He turned slightly to Sam and you saw him let out a choke as his tears took him completely over. Your tears descended silently as looked down into your lap hugging your backpack to your chest.  
“Where to?” A gravelly voice spoke in the front of the taxi.  
“Just get me to Wichita.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


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